Considering a Divorce? First, Ask Yourself These Questions
Have things gotten to the point in your relationship that you are seriously considering a divorce? This is never an easy topic and the thought can weigh heavily on any couple. Before taking that last step, ask yourself these questions.
What Struggles Do We Face as a Couple?
When considering a divorce, first ask yourself, what brought you and your partner to this point? What are the issues that you both struggle with? For instance:
- Have you been arguing and fighting a lot?
- Do you have disagreements over issues like money or how to raise the kids?
- Is either of you keeping secrets from the other?
- Do drugs or alcohol complicate things?
It’s important to take a hard look and ask yourself these questions. Try to find a quiet place where you feel comfortable and relaxed. Jot down your thoughts on paper to keep for later reference.
Is There Anything We Can Do Differently?
Once you have some ideas, ask yourself what you can do differently. This may sound simple, but it can actually be a lengthy process to change a behavior. It can also be tough to acknowledge that you contribute to the problems you share with your partner. As the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” Often times there is a pattern, or a “trigger” to the major issues. Is there a choice you can make that might side step the “triggers?”
Do I Still Love This Person?
This is an important question to ask if considering a divorce. Feelings can change over time, and often times arguments and hurt feelings can get in the way of the love that was once felt for your spouse. Love is a choice and whats more, an action. The question might be, am I making the choice to love this person? Is it safe for me to continue to choose love?
Can I Afford to Get a Divorce?
Getting a divorce costs money! When you think about the expense of having to pay for legal fees or having to make support payments, the notion of trying to resolve your differences seems like a better idea.
Am I Willing to Learn New Communication Skills?
When trying to resolve differences, ask yourself if you are willing to learn new ways to communicate with your partner. They include:
- Mindfulness skills
- Breathing techniques
By learning how to control anger, listen more effectively, and not react to your partner you can be a more effective communicator. This can help to resolve some of your relationship problems.
Do I Feel Safe with This Person?
Unfortunately, for many people, the answer to this question is, “No.” It is impossible to create a healthy, loving relationship when one doesn’t feel safe. Safety includes both physical and emotional safety. If you don’t feel safe in your home, find someplace that is safe and secure before even considering work on your relationship.
Consult a Therapist When Considering a Divorce
If you are considering a divorce why not consult with a therapist. Many are loathe to do so, perhaps because they think the therapist will not be able to solve their problems. Why waste the money if it won’t work? Well, seeing a therapist won’t work if one or both of you is unwilling to put in the effort for your marriage. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Instead, at the first sign of trouble go to couple’s counseling.
Divorce has an impact on couples throughout this country, from New York to California and even to Rexburg, Idaho. Some couples will decide that divorce is the best solution for their situation. However, when considering a divorce ask if there is anything else you can do. Don’t make this decision without first trying all of the other options available. There may still be hope that you can resolve your differences and move forward together.